I think it’s hard to imagine how crushed the disciples must have felt after the crucifixion of their Lord. But today, it’s worth trying to do. The more we go down and sit in their anger, their sadness, their confusion, their feelings of guilt and despair–the more we exalt in the Miracle of the Resurrection tomorrow.

Peter: “I’ll die for you Lord!”

Jesus: “No Peter, you will deny three times that you know me.”

[Note: the following isn’t in the Bible. This is my attempt to imagine the depth of despair experienced by Jesus’s closest friends on Holy Saturday.]

Now, a sobbing, devastated Peter: “He was right–I denied him, just like He said I would–three times! All is lost! What did it all mean? The miracles, the preaching, the promises? He was supposed to free us! Now he’s dead. And I denied that I even knew him after I claimed I was ready to die for him. I’m so ashamed.”

“How could Judas betray us? Who does he think he is? Always so greedy, I never trusted him–I hate him!”

“But wait. Who am I? I’m no better than Judas. I couldn’t even claim my Lord to a servant.”

“Three years we followed Jesus around. Listening to his words. Witnessing his miracles. Doing miracles in his name–I was so sure that He was the One! He lied to me. It’s all false. All that talk about being the Truth and the Life. Now he’s dead–what are we to make of this? I’m so confused and disappointed.”

“But how am I to go on without Him? I love Him. I can’t imagine life without Him–without our band of followers. What will happen to us? Will we be crucified too? I’m terrified! So lonely. So permanently sad. How can we go on?”