C. S. Lewis defines chivalry as a combination of sternness and meekness. The knights of old were to strive toward this ideal–of being a courageous soldier, but one who was refined and modest.

“The medieval ideal brought together two things which have no natural tendency to gravitate towards one another. It brought them together for that very reason. It taught humility and forbearance to the great warrior because everyone knew by experience how much he usually needed that lesson. It demanded valour of the urbane and modest man because everyone knew that he was as likely as not to be a milksop.”

C.S. Lewis, “The Necessity of Chivalry” in Present Concerns, 3.

You can see this portrayed in Lewis’s characters. Consider the stouthearted yet elegant Reepicheep, who is just as interested in teaching manners as courage. J.R.R. Tolkien, likewise, shows this combination of sternness and gentleness in his beloved characters in The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.

A brawler is a bully who picks a fights for no reason other than asserting his or her dominance. No one likes a coward either, who may be polite, but shirking.

Strength must be wedded to Gentleness. Courage to Kindness. Power to Service. Might to Manners.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11