No one likes feeling like they are being taken advantage of.
Sheldon Vanauken in A Severe Mercy writes about a principle of courtesy that he shared with his wife:
“And there was a principle of courtesy: whatever one of us asked the other to do–it was assumed the asker would weigh all consequences–the other would do. Thus one might wake the other in the night and ask for a cup of water; and the other would peacefully (and sleepily) fetch it. We, in fact, defined courtesy as ‘a cup of water in the night’. And we considered it a very great courtesy to ask for the cup as well as to fetch it.”Vanauken, A Severe Mercy, 39, emphasis his.
The courtesy of the asker is to weigh the consequences before asking. The courtesy of the one fulfilling the request is to do it as happily as possible knowing that the asker weighed the consequences. And the ask itself is considered a gift–because without the ask, we’d miss an opportunity to express our love through sacrificial service.